How to Message on Tinder: 7 Instructions and Tips to Get a Date

how to message on tinder
  • DatingforLove
  • Feb 25, 2024

Tinder is an exciting app that can be fun to use and be a great way to meet girls in your area. If you’ve finally gotten yourself a few matches on the dating app, you may be wondering how to start a conversation on Tinder that gets a reply. Sparking up a great conversation that keeps going can be a challenge, especially if you’re out of ideas on where to start.

In this guide, we’ll go over everything you need to know about how to chat on Tinder and start an engaging conversation with a girl with the best Tinder conversation starters.

How to Message on Tinder

When you first open the app, you are shown someone's pretty profile picture and the option to swipe left or right. If you don't see this, tap the icon that looks like a flame. Press your finger down on the picture and drag your finger right and remove your finger from the screen -- you have just swiped right.

You can only message other people who have swiped right on your profile. There are some tips to get people to like you on dating apps, but we'll get to that later. For now, you can find your Tinder matches by tapping the speech bubble icon at the bottom.

You'll see a collection of profile pictures and names here. When you tap one, you can chat with them. That's the magic of online dating.

At the bottom, you'll see a little bar with "Type a message" inside. Tap that, and start typing, then hit Send to send the message.

Now, how can I message on tinder actually to get a respond is a whole 'nother story. Just a quick note: you can also make sure you don't miss anything by checking the notifications bell in the upper right corner. This will alert you to new messages, new matches, and new likes. The icon that looks like a person allows you to change your profile and preferences, like the preferred age range.

1. Use a good Tinder opener or pick up line

The way you start a conversation on Tinder sets the tone for the rest of the chat you have with a girl. Strong Tinder conversation starters will go a long way and can make all the difference in getting a reply to getting ghosted by your Tinder match. Here are a few examples of good Tinder pickup lines that will catch her attention, keep her interested, and set you apart from another person’s profile:

  • Could you get me a glass of water? I’m suddenly very thirsty.
  • Are you my untied shoelace? Because I’m falling for you.
  • What restaurant is that in your second pic? It looks so good.
  • You must be terrible at hide and seek. Someone like you is hard to find.
  • Are you also binge-watching insert show name here? If so, we need to debrief last week’s episode!
  • Do you like cheese? Would you like to brie with me?

2. Be short and sweet in your first message

Your first message should be short, sweet, and right to the point. Don’t send messages that are too long or complicated in the beginning. Save the long, personal conversations for when you meet her in person.

While it’s okay to have deeper conversations on the app, your first few messages should just be a lighthearted opener to start the conversation. Use conversations that are short, sweet, and fun in your Tinder messages to pique her interest.

3. Ask her questions about herself

To keep the conversation going once it’s started, ask her interesting questions about herself. Get her talking about herself and give her the opportunity to tell you more about her interests, passions, where she’s from, what she does for a living, and more. 

Ask her about her master’s degree, about shared interests, or a random question about her spotify playlist to keep things interesting.

She’ll appreciate you taking the time to get to know her, which will also show her that you genuinely have an interest in her. Here are a few examples of conversation starters to ask her to keep the chat going on the dating app:

  • Where are you originally from?
  • How long have you been living in insert town name here?
  • What do you do for work?
  • That cook off looks like fun, how did it go?
  • What’s your favorite way to spend your free time?
  • I noticed you have photos from insert travel destination here. I’ve always wanted to visit, what was your favorite part about it?

4. Get to know her favorites

When in doubt, ask her about her favorite things in life. People love to talk about the things that make them happy and bring them joy outside of their work life. You can also use her answers to your advantage and plan a future date around something she genuinely likes. Here are some examples of questions to ask her about her favorite things:

  • What’s your favorite book/movie?
  • If you had to eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?
  • Where has your favorite trip been so far?
  • What’s the last book you read?
  • What’s the most memorable movie you ever watched?

5. Compliment her photos

Everyone knows that girls love receiving compliments, so always throw in a compliment or two into your conversation. Compliment her photos and comment on details you see in her pictures. Pay attention to detail and show her that you’re observant and making an effort to get to know her and who she is as a person.

You’ll make her feel appreciated and beautiful, which every girl wants to feel. Use these examples in your next conversation to compliment her and make her blush:

  • I really like your dress in that first picture. Where was it taken?
  • You look beautiful in that photo in Rome. Where was your favorite spot to see there?
  • That horseback riding trip looks epic, you look like a pro! What’s one of your favorite moments from it?
  • Your eyes are so mesmerizing in your third photo, I can’t stop looking at them.

6. Play a fun game

When you’re not sure if the conversation has much life left in it or will keep going, playing a game will almost always save the day. Play a fun game with her in your chat to set yourself apart from the rest of the guys she’s talking to. Girls get tons of matches and guys who message them, and they’re used to getting basic messages. Rather than being another one of her boring matches, play a fun, exciting game where you two can get to know each other better. Here are a few fun games to play with her in your conversation:

  • Play would you rather with her.
  • Offer up a game of two truths and a lie.
  • Ask her if she wants to play 20 questions to get to know each other better.
  • Start a game of hot takes: share your controversial opinions and see what you both think of them.
  • Start an exciting game of never have I ever.

7. Ask her out on a date

Once she feels comfortable talking to you, it’s time to ask her out on a date. Take the lead when planning out the date, and ask her where she’d like to go. You can also ask for her number too. Make sure to give her options and to let her give her input into the date, so you know she’ll enjoy the time you spend together when you go.

Dating experts agree that it’s vital to approach her with confidence, ask her out smoothly, and get straight to the point in your conversation on Tinder. Here are a few ways to ask her out on a date with confidence:

  • Where can I take you out on our date next week?
  • Where will you be taking me on our first date?
  • What’s your favorite restaurant? We should go!
  • I’ve always wanted to try that new restaurant in Italy village. Want to keep this conversation going over a glass of wine?
  • I’m in need of a happy hour this week. Want to check out that new bar downtown?


In the digital age, small talk is all about your opening message and best pickup line. With these tips on how to start a conversation on Tinder, you’ll be able to impress her with more than just your profile photos, and even land yourself a date from the Tinder app.